November 6th: Sweet-16 Years of -Sobriety

 

    Happy Anniversary, Sweet Sixteen. November 6, 2010-2026. Time really flew by, but when I was new to this in late 2010, a very strong arm was pulling the hands of time, seemingly grinding them to a halt. My sober life got tolerable after a few months; then it got better; then it all became much, much better, and every year even more so. Why? I learned to live

    All I wanted to do was stop drinking. My life was unmanageable, mostly my attitude and mental health. The way I drank was no longer fun, and it was getting self-destructive. If I continued, I knew something would happen, far worse than anything I was imagining. 

    I stopped.  It was difficult. I joined A.A., and if you or someone you know needs to stop, do it any way you want, but A.A. was the only thing that worked for me. 

   Why did my life keep getting better every year? It did because of Step work. I now have accountability and am more honest. I'm not by any means perfect, but I'm dishonest at least 100 times less than before. I still lie much more than Elizabeth Holmes, who never has. 

    The bar was pretty low too. I used to think that life sucked, but now, removed from the person I used to be, I realize that I was the one who made it that way. My decisions, activities, priorities, self-centeredness, and ego were all off. Working the Steps allowed me to look at myself not in an accusatory or hateful way, the way I used to look at my faults, but in a way that helped me understand why I did the things I did.  

    Honestly, though, I didn't know what I would write today. I have written about my anniversary every year, but this year I wanted to talk about the goals I set a year ago. 

RECOVERY GOALS FOR YEAR 16

1) Go to fewer meetings. 

    Wait? What? 

    I'm not advocating for not going to meetings, but I wanted to cut mine by 10-15%, so I had more time in my life to do the things that I do. I've done this, and I've done that. 

2) Up my spiritual game. 

    I had a Higher Power a year ago, but it was just kind of hanging around outside of my program. I was believing but not applying. It was like a separate entity. Then I contacted someone I'd known for a while who had visibly enhanced her own life after she popped into my feed. Witnessing her love and growth, I asked if she would be my spiritual advisor. She agreed, and we meet on Zoom a few times a month. It really helped to talk about our spirituality 1:1 and get someone else's perspective. When I picked up a sponsee this year and we went over the Steps, I was able to apply this new understanding and apply it to my life. Some amazing, magical things happened this year, and if you want to know about them, just ask---I'm not writing this to sway anyone, but wow, I reached a spiritual awakening, defined as a profound shift in consciousness where you realize that you are not your thoughts, emotions, or ego, but rather the silent observer of them, measured by a change in attitude. 

Check, check, check.

Because of this, I am kinder, can show more love, and can pause without needing to react to everything. This affects my relationships, my day-to-day interactions, my self-esteem, and the way I see the world. 

Sixteen years ago, all I wanted to do was stop drinking, and now I have learned all of these things. 

Life is good.

Boy, is it ever. 

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If you are having trouble with drugs and alcohol and wish to stop, help is available, and there are people (like me) you can contact.