Companion piece for reading along with Almost Bluing for X-tra Whiteness (easter eggs noted)

 After I talked with Eliz McKim about my new poetry book Almost Bluing for X-tra Whiteness she was amused at some of the references, but most of them were obscure Easter Eggs, so allow me to fill in some of the blanks. Below is the Table of Contents and a comment, video or link for each one. When you read the book, read the part of the blog before each of the poems.

 So let's start with poem 1, page 9

I Didn’t want to call the 988 Operator Using the movie Don't Look Up as metaphor. There is even a line in the poem about the broteroc mentioned in the trailer below. 

I wished myself extinct / like that bronteroc,

Dependents 

What Cannot Be Fixed 

 After You Go 

 Dogged Years 

These  four are poems about my late MOTHER and FATHER

The next eight (8) are poems about a relationship ending. Comments withheld. 

Labor Day at the Border Cafe 

I Look For You 

Three New Year’s 

Mostly, there are nightmares 

1/1 

reply to someone who no longer replies

 A Little Madness or Not at All

You Should Know

It Sunk : (the Titan submarine implosion)  

https://news.northeastern.edu/2023/06/23/oceangate-titan-submersible-implosion/

 Remember That Smile:  I remember, when I was a child, driving with my family while the trees on the side of the highway were ablaze. For years after that area looked like this, an image still stuck in my head

 

A Place Familiar 

The following lines can be recalled from the opening poem (page 9)

weeks later, at the farm/ we stayed at in Maryland,/ that was one of the good/  things from the year.

A Place Familiar describes the place. 

after David Berman II. Jeopardy question: Who is David Berman? A poet, musician and victim of a disease.  https://www.dallasobserver.com/music/the-world-lost-a-genius-2-years-ago-when-it-became-too-much-for-david-berman-12185442

Reflections: A 17 year-old Drug Addict Forty Years Later  Years https://www.oprah.com/spirit/confessions-of-a-shoplifter-reasons-people-steal/all Click the link and read why I might shoplift ginger root.

How to Extinguish a Raging Fire   Interested in this one? Go back in early November posts in this blog for the last 14 years about my recovery. This is a recovery poem. 

 reply to someone who said, “there’s a lot of selfish going around here.”  I write a lot of "reply" poems. There is one earlier in this book. In this one I don't remember who I might have been replying to. 

Tennessee Songbirds: True story about real birds and musicians in Nashville 

 

Not Just the Willows Weep https://www.nbcboston.com/news/local/north-shore-communities-recovering-after-storm/3246270/

 Found in a Basement in Dorchester: Here's the obituary for my friend Sean. The obit left out a few things. Also, I found out about this too late to attend the funeral. 2022 was a rough year.  https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/name/sean-whelan-obituary?id=36927109

 

The Definition of Abuse is all about power dynamics in our culture. 

 

Poetry Found on Twitter These are exact twitter posts from the accounts of: 

1) Lauren Boebert—On Another Shooting. 2) Michelle Obama—On Knitting. 3) Melania Trump—On Christmas Ornaments being NFTs. 4) Marjorie Taylor Greene—Saying Stupid as Fuck Things 5) Amanda Knox—On Losing Control 6) Margaret Atwood—On New Year’s Day

There are some good guys and bad guys in this poem .

 Rainy Days and Every Day Always Get… My mom used to listen to this. Side note from video: I don't think he's playing the harmonica---he's playing his f-ing hand. 

 Valentine’s Poem written in the style of Eliz McKim. She picked  up that the poem sounded like a heartbeat. 

 Picturing One Great Love  Kind of like the guy pictured below, but sometimes you get to finish the work, and sometimes you don't. 

 

Flashbulb of a Lightning Storm. About making love in the middle of a lightning storm. It happened. 

 Into the Silent Sea: This was written about the same time as It Sunk. Processing sea-creatures and hopelessness. 

 

Amends I Owed You Step Nine in recovery https://sober.com/step-9-tips/ and using music as metaphor

Love – 0 When an electric tennis racket bug zapper is a swing and a miss

 

Addendum is and addendum to Amends I Owed You, but more punny and awkward (like some ammends)  than serious. 

 Acceptance Poem The Acceptance Prayer helps me a great deal

Fluid behind the Ear Poem dedicated to Lisa Haley (oh, the other Lisa)

 Animals Which Don’t Sleep Grief and sleep problems the following line within Instead of saying goodbye you said, /“I’m sorry,” and refuse to lie down

 Standing Wave  and

 Star Island, Night One, 2024 

These next two were written for and about Star Island. The second was nominated for a Pushcart. Star inspires as these didn't need much revision.

The final section of the book is lighter, perhaps funnier poems

Abecedarius  This is a form poem, the form being 26 words in the poem, using all 26 letters in alphabetical order. 

 Out and In the Void for Jeremy Hilary Boob Google Jeremy Hilary Boob and then the lyrics to that song the search points to. The poem is all synonyms to each/most words of those lyrics.

 Almost Famous Massachusetts has the record for total number of Roast Beef joints that are famous but in name only. 

 Literary Action Figures Imagine if famous authors had action figures like star athletes or GI Joe. Wait...maybe?

 

On Dodo Oh My God. Want to go on a heartwarming trip? Of course, you do. Careful, you may get sucked into The Dodo rabbit hole for half the day. So this poem looks at Dodo and how it differs from those other feelings in real life. 

 Poem About Jon Wesick, written in the style of Jon Wesick; During the pandemic, writer Jon Wesick was on nearly every zoom reading and open mic. He had a series writing in the style of some of the other poets. I decided to do one on him. 

 Recipe Dumb-Ass Men Cook to Feed Women : A misandry poem from a man noting how men are obvious and stupid in their manipulations. 

 Poem Stolen from Other Poets at Dinner Yes...it's a found poem staring the dialog of many of my friends. 

 Found poem within the rules of the board game Mystery Date : It pretty much uses the game rules verbatim. It was written for the game night event for the Improbable Places Poetry Tour.

 Petition to Remove the Word Burble from our language Such a harsh sounding word.

 

Things You Find in Miami Beach (Poetry Form: 25,000 Pyramid) So I've invented a form. The poem reads like the clues given in the bonus round of the 25,000 Pyramid game show. 

Talking About "The Shadows of the Seen" for the first time with Kristy Mickelson's in her W.W.A.F. Podcast

In this episode of the W.W.A.A. Podcast the Host Kristy Mickelsen welcomes her returning guest Best Selling Author Timothy Gager. Tim shares with us details about his two new works one which has just been released titled Almost Bluing for X-tra whiteness a book of poems. During Kristy and Tims discussion they touch on a wide range of topics from addiction, depression, marriage, loss of loved ones, suicidal thoughts, and gun control all in which Tim has personal experience with.

The conversation touches quite a few serious subjects including the topic of mass shootings and Tims feelings of gun control, but things are not all serious as Kristy light heartedly teases Timothy about his Reference to size when discussing the topic of paperback book sizes. 

(listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts)

                    My next novel, The Shadows of the Seen is due out in May 2025 (Pierian Springs Press), and I'm speaking on it for the first time in a wonderful podcast hosted by Kristy Mickelson. In this podcast I talk about the novel for the first time publicly (starting around 8:30). The novel is about the gun issue in the United States as told through the narrative of three main characters. Also because of the sensitive nature of the book's subject, I talk a lot about mental health treatment, but also I discuss my own depression. One of the characters in the book is based on a when I was going through a difficult time, so all in all, this podcast leaves me feeling very vulnerable. 

Earlier I also briefly talk about the books Joe the Salamander and Almost Bluing for X-Tra Whiteness. Please give it a listen. 

Another Year Around the Sun--Birthday Today--14 Years of Sobriety in Three Days---"My Misfit Manifesto"

   

My Misfit Manifesto. 14 years on November 6.

Hi! 

I snuck a shot of vanilla extract at the age of five from the pantry at home. Then, later in high school, alcohol helped me to invent myself as something new, because I was an awkward, uncomfortable, unconfident, picked on, felt uncomfortable in my skin and viewed as a somewhat “weird” kid. Now I know much of my undiagnosed ADD, ASD and OCD was a big part of that perception. Children like myself, with the more minor traits of these weren't diagnosed or treated, so I just found I was getting in trouble a lot.

The first chance I could, and with a fake ID, I self-treated with alcohol, partied a lot, standing out as someone that fit in that way. It fucking worked! I still didn’t do things in conventional ways, especially drink and use drugs the way others did. When it became obvious and people started to show concern about my drinking and had the courage to tell me, I was more likely to celebrate that fact than to try to change. I liked that it stood out, and how I felt about alcohol it became what I was made up of. My parents even bought me a copy of A Drinking Life by Pete Hamill, and I was disappointed that it wasn’t an alcohol manifesto. (I mean, cool, a dinking life! I have that too!) I identified alcohol as my solution.

Then things in my life started going worse. "Normal" people were settling down and I was still out there like I was in college. Like that song, the lights go out, the music dies--but I was still dancing without lights, swaying within a dance of more. When you hit early to mid-thirties into your forties you should no longer act and get wasted like you were in your teens and twenties.

I drove drunk often as well, perhaps four times per week on average. Besides that, I put others at risk, others even traveling in the same car as me. I’d drive with beer in a cooler on the passenger seat with my children in the back. I’ve driven blacked out and grayed out. I was eventually going to kill myself doing this, or I'd just kill myself. I certainly wanted to, but I was too chicken. What I really wanted was to live, I just don’t want to be in pain. I wanted to quit drinking, but I still wanted to be able to drink. I was still the same misfit, who didn't fit in, but now I was a seriously beaten one.

Then I stopped. I quit with the help of others, and nearly everything in my life got better. 

   *I learned accept myself.

            *I learned to be kind.

            *I learned I could change.

            *I was no longer selfish in how I wanted things to be.

            *I learned it was ok to be myself. I didn't have to act out or entertain the world to be liked.

            *I do things without the expectation I will get something back in return.

            *I’ve written eleven books since I became sober, four of them novels.

            *My children, friends and family see me differently---they see me as the person I want to be.

            * I am present.

 I still feel out of place in new social situations when I attend by myself. I do well hosting, or reading, or playing music---it's kind of a sweet spot.   

        

           Very important to my recovery is that I still go to meetings that keep this mindset going. I can keep things in my life as simple as possible but simplicity is now the norm--it's not that hard. I have fought and continue to fight my disease. For my other stuff, I take medication responsibly, and a very low dose. People say they are inspired by me if they decide to start their own sobriety journey. I am always willing to help if you message or call me, even if you don't know me. I had my last drink November 6, 2010, and on Wednesday it will be 14 years.

Now, Days are Never Long Enough.

MUSICAL BONUS ROUND

 Beth/Rest this isn't a recovery song, but it's good for my meditation. Music has always played a big part of my life and I am grateful and lucky to have and had a chance to play it.